Doon Toon


OK, schadenfreude is an ugly emotion, but I am a Sunderland supporter and some small pleasure at Newcastle United’s relegation last week is only to be expected. Of the many tributes, I think I liked most this parody (which I’ve slightly rewritten for public exposure) of the great Petula Clark standard:

“When Kevin Keegan flounces out of your ground, you can always go…

Doon Toon,

When Ashley’s debts, and his cronies, abound, you can always go..

Doon Toon,

Just listen to the traffic on the way to Bristol City,

You’ll have to sell old Micky so your squad won’t look so pretty,

Bad times next year, how do you get to Oakwell?

Europe is a memory – but Plymouth’s on the Channel.

Doon Toon.

You will find Fat Freddie’s there to help and understand you

Dennis Wise is up the stairs to scheme and stuff and scam you

Doon Toon, It’s right deserved as well,

Doon Toon Look at how far you’ve fell,

Doon Toon Doncaster’s waiting for you.

If you want more in the same vein Salut! Sunderland points in the right direction.

Update 29 May 09: Perhaps strangely, perhaps not, there are at least four different Newcastle United-relegation related parodies on you tube based on the last-days-of-Hitler film Downfall – with revised subtitles.  The best are here (written by the author of the ‘Downtown’ parody, I’m told; there are clues) and here. There’s probably a whole dissertation waiting to be written on football fans and recursive post-modernism, especially since there’s a version from earlier in the season on Sunderland’s expensively unsuccessful excursions into the January transfer market. and another from elsewhere in the film on the pools panel. Warning: strong language all round!

The picture is from the big soccer blog.


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